How to Toast a Man on Facebook
This post is a response to a comment on a friend’s page on how to TOAST a MAN on FACEBOOK. The three words in capitals are the operational words.
Toasting (or wooing) a man is different from toasting a woman. A core requirement for toasting a woman, apart from tact, is directly saying it (no matter how much you imply it and do the indirect things, a woman still wants you to say it out with your mouth and she wants to hear it with her ears).
It’s different for a man. Especially an African man. There would be the few exceptions naturally, but i am talking about the vast majority of men here. Being “direct” with a man makes him either wary or opportunistic. This is the truth most often, forget all those fake formings. Like i said, there are a few exceptions to the rule.
I break the process down into a four step framework:
1. Prep for inbox
1. PREP FOR INBOX
So, to toast a man you like on social media, for something beyond just getting laid, you don’t want to just jump into his inbox without preparing him for your coming into his inbox. Naaahhh..! A lady’s dignity must be kept.
The first thing to be done is to get yourself noticed on his timeline. Like his good posts often and comment on his posts. When you make a comments on his post, endeavour to make your comments in question-like manners, so that he can DIRECTLY respond to your questions. That way, he begins to notice you. Of course your comments must be intelligent too.
From his posts, you would know what he is enthusiastic about, that would be your entry point. Present as wanting to know more about his interest. Men love to show strength, that is our weakness.
Let me use a typical example. A guy that loves sport. On one of his sport post, you may post that you have never watched a match in a viewing centre before and you would want to experience why men so much love to leave home to watch a match at the viewing centre.
The point is to get him to “brag” about how viewing centre is the best place to watch bla bla bla. And you publicly say you would want to experience such someday if you get someone to invite you.
If the person is a politics person, you can use the same idea and say you don’t even know what they say at political meetings/rallies and you won’t mind experiencing one if you get someone to invite.
This is done publicly on the open post so the guy does not think you are hitting on him. Many people would make you offers. Most likely, the guy too. It is only when you have such open offers that you go inbox. You have done the preparation for inbox.
The essence of the “prep for inbox” stage is to allow you go inbox without seeming like you are gunning for him explicitly. Remember, a lady must keep her dignity.
Once he makes the offer publicly, you should then go to his inbox and say something like:
“Good day Shola, as per that viewing centre thing, i am really serious o, I want to experience it. Are you serious about showing me?”.
The thing here is to make it seem not about him, but about the viewing centre experience. A woman’s dignity should not be sacrificed even when she is doing the toasting! Ask him inbox when he would be willing to show you what it feels like to be at a viewing centre.
He would most likely give you a date or tell you he would check his schedule and get back to you. Ask him when he would get back to you. Let him know that you are enthusiastic about the event (not necessarily him at this stage). If he gives you an outting date straight away, go to his inbox 2days to the D-day to confirm if you are still on, and how you would meet. This is a good time to ask for his mobile number. The excuse is “so that you can coordinate on how you would meet at the meeting venue”.
If he promised to get back to you on his schedule on “so and so” date, you should remind him a day AFTER the promised date if he fails to come back to you. You may have to re-iterate this process until he gives you a date (trust me, some guys are that busy)
The essence of the inbox stage is to secure an outting with him. You should be creative but don’t lose your dignity.
The outting is where you drop the hints. Encourage him to “show himself”. Let him talk. Laugh genuinely. Pass compliments. Tease him. Make innuendos that suggests you are available. Something like:
“Every lady finds a man who can analyse sports very appealing, i really do.” Or “I am always fascinated by men who can analyse politics, they come accross to me as smart, that’s something i really love about you”.
Let him know you appreciate the gesture and would like to return it by taking him out somewhere too. He shouldn’t think it’s only him that knows nice places in Ilorin (its all just a plan to have another outting).
The whole essence of the outting is to drop the hint. You would have to improvise on the spot. But ensure you drop the hint, and you don’t throw away your dignity.
4. POST OUTTING
Call him the next day to thank him for the outting. Let him know you really enjoyed it and would like a repeat. Also let him know you are serious about the reciprocating by taking him out on your own account. Suggest a date for the next outting that is on you. Make the choice of your outing a place where team competitions are done. That way, both of you form a team to compete against others. This gives you opportunities to hug him in joy when you do well, or to be “sad” on his chest when you are being thrashed. Those things have a way of sticking on guys’ brains. I suggest a place like ACE along unity road or somewhere nicer. Check out their bowling section.
The essence of the post-outting stage is to get a chance for another outting and to get closer.
90% of the time, an average guy would make the move.
Remember, there is no hard and fast rule about what you do at each stage, just know the essence of each stage and you can improvise to achieve the essence.
Remember, no matter what you do, some guys just don’t get it. The good news is such guys’ posts on facebook won’t attract you in the first place.
On the other hand, dome guys are already hooked and so won’t follow through. While some would play along just to get to the honeypot, so it’s ultimately your responsibility.
PS: I am not a relationship councillor, i just made my little contribution to encourage ladies to make moves ON FACEBOOK in a DIGNIFYING manner, based on experiences and observations.
• Otunba Fad